Started 12/28/14 7:08 P.M. – I Just Want To Apologize
Oh man, where do I begin?
I just want to make an apology for all my sins
And for all the fucked up things
I did over the years to my next of kin
Mom, I just want to say I’m sorry for all the things I did under the influence
The broken walls, legal troubles, totaled cars, and my ignorance
Alcohol was my only coping mechanism, I didn’t know any different
Resulting in relapses and constant drinking continuance
It took my innocence, not knowing which Mark you were going to get today, you had to keep some distance
Alcohol poisoning on the floor not breathing, I was ready to move onto an after existence
Trying to revive me, while I said, “Just let me move onto the infinite”
I just want to apologize for all the affluent incidence
Same goes for my father and my brother
Not giving up when it seemed I’d always be in the gutter
Knowing that I wasn’t going to change, and you kept trying, I thought you were suckers
Everybody who has ever cared about me has suffered
So I want to apologize for not accepting your help and all my blunders
And fighting you for picking my head up when my evils had me smothered
Because I just wanted to be held under

Keith man I just want to tie up any loose ends
Changed on you with the drinks and pills putting me into a descend
Freaking out for no reason, was starting to become a trend
Bailing me out of trouble, got used to it, not even going to pretend
But you can run yourself into too many dead ends, damn I was a shit friend, just want to make amends
St. Paddy’s Day, Vibes, Bottle Full of Pills, and Widespread Panic walking away angrily
Forgetting the Good Times, 10:09, Legit Bombs, Bongzilla, Beer Pong and all our other drinking insanities
You’d think since you introduced me, I would learn my values from Anthony
But didn’t, so I want to apologize for choosing the bottle over family

And Tim, Ghost, I’m looking at you homey
Ruined our friendship because I’d rather kill myself slowly
Cut everyone off because I’d rather remain low key
But you were always there for 10 Minutes whenever I felt lonely
Always chilling after school, shooting the shit and making our clothes smokey
Drunk as shit, screaming awards and trophies, as a friend I was pretty phony
Just want to thank you for everything man, as well as G-Ma Foley (I Love That Woman)
And want to apologize for not realizing friendship is a two way effort, and can't be held up solely

Big Murphy, I just want to tell you ON MY LIFE I didn’t take that money
But I do realize, a word doesn’t mean much coming from an ex-pill junkie
Remember when I was blowing rails, and we got into a fight that made us both bloody?
Ivana was crying, while we laughed it off, and shook hands, because that’s what happens with good buddies
Looking back, I always crack a smile because that was funny
And anybody that has you on their side is damn lucky
So I just want to apologize for all the times I was a damn dummy
And that goes for everybody that helped me see the light through all the darkness
If I didn’t mention your name it’s because they helped me through the farthest
But I’m still thankful regardless, in dealing with all my harshness
So I just want to apologize for being so heartless
And for not seeing my ways of a Marxist, would eventually lead me to being a carcass, and I’m off this
Finished 12/29/14 1:14 A.M.